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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Toilet humor has long been the comfort zone for daily publications, and writers stay alert regarding memorable lavatory incidents and key events, particularly within football. It was quite amusing to learn that Big Website columnist a famous broadcaster has a West Brom-themed urinal at his home. Spare a thought for the Barnsley fan who interpreted the restroom a little too literally, and needed rescuing from a deserted Oakwell after falling asleep on the loo at half-time during a 2015 defeat against Fleetwood Town. “He was barefoot and couldn't find his phone and his hat,” elaborated an official from the local fire department. And everyone remembers during his peak popularity playing for City, the controversial forward popped into a local college to use the facilities back in 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, before entering and requesting directions to the restrooms, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” an undergraduate shared with local Manchester media. “After that he was just walking round the campus as if he owned it.”

The Restroom Quitting

Tuesday marks 25 years since Kevin Keegan stepped down from the England national team post a quick discussion in a toilet cubicle alongside FA executive David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, after the notorious 1-0 loss against Germany in 2000 – England’s final match at the famous old stadium. According to Davies' personal account, his confidential FA records, he entered the drenched beleaguered England dressing room directly following the fixture, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams motivated, the two stars urging for the director to convince Keegan. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan had trudged down the tunnel with a distant gaze, and Davies discovered him collapsed – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – within the changing area's edge, whispering: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Stopping Keegan, Davies worked frantically to salvage the situation.

“What place could we identify for a private conversation?” stated Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with an England manager as players dived into the water. Only one option presented itself. The lavatory booths. A significant event in English football's extensive history took place in the vintage restrooms of an arena marked for removal. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I shut the door behind us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I'm unable to energize the team. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Consequences

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, eventually revealing he viewed his stint as England manager “soulless”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I began working with the visually impaired team, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It's an extremely challenging position.” The English game has progressed significantly in the quarter of a century since. Whether for good or bad, those Wembley toilets and those two towers are no longer present, although a German now works in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: Three Lions supporters, appreciate this period. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

Live Updates

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for Women’s Bigger Cup updates concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Quote of the Day

“We stood there in a lengthy line, in just our underwear. We represented Europe's top officials, top sportspeople, examples, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with strong principles … however all remained silent. We barely looked at each other, our eyes shifted somewhat anxiously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina inspected us completely with a freezing stare. Mute and attentive” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures officials were once put through by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“How important is a name? A Dr Seuss verse exists titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been removed from their positions. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not exactly! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie stay to take care of the first team. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and awarded some merch, I have decided to put finger to keypad and make a pithy comment. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations on the school grounds with children he anticipated would defeat him. This masochistic tendency must account for his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware however the sole second-year prize I envision him securing along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|