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Encountering rejection, particularly when it happens repeatedly, is far from pleasant. Someone is saying no, giving a clear “Nope.” Being an author, I am familiar with setbacks. I started pitching story ideas five decades ago, right after completing my studies. Over the years, I have had several works turned down, along with nonfiction proposals and numerous essays. In the last score of years, concentrating on personal essays, the rejections have grown more frequent. On average, I face a setback frequently—amounting to over 100 times a year. Overall, denials in my profession number in the thousands. At this point, I could claim a PhD in rejection.

But, is this a woe-is-me rant? Not at all. Because, finally, at 73 years old, I have accepted rejection.

How Have I Managed This?

Some context: Now, just about every person and their relatives has given me a thumbs-down. I’ve never kept score my win-lose ratio—doing so would be deeply dispiriting.

A case in point: not long ago, a newspaper editor nixed 20 submissions in a row before accepting one. In 2016, at least 50 publishing houses vetoed my manuscript before someone approved it. Subsequently, 25 literary agents passed on a project. One editor requested that I send potential guest essays less often.

My Steps of Rejection

When I was younger, all rejections stung. I felt attacked. It seemed like my work being rejected, but me as a person.

No sooner a manuscript was rejected, I would begin the process of setback:

• Initially, surprise. Why did this occur? How could they be ignore my talent?
• Next, refusal to accept. Maybe you’ve rejected the incorrect submission? Perhaps it’s an administrative error.
• Third, rejection of the rejection. What can editors know? Who made you to hand down rulings on my labours? It’s nonsense and their outlet stinks. I deny your no.
• After that, anger at those who rejected me, then anger at myself. Why would I subject myself to this? Am I a masochist?
• Fifth, bargaining (preferably seasoned with delusion). How can I convince you to acknowledge me as a unique writer?
• Then, despair. I’m no good. Worse, I can never become any good.

This continued through my 30s, 40s and 50s.

Great Examples

Certainly, I was in excellent fellowship. Stories of writers whose work was initially rejected are numerous. The author of Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Virtually all writer of repute was originally turned down. Because they managed to overcome rejection, then perhaps I could, too. Michael Jordan was not selected for his high school basketball team. Most Presidents over the past six decades had been defeated in elections. The actor-writer says that his Rocky screenplay and desire to appear were turned down 1,500 times. He said rejection as someone blowing a bugle to motivate me and keep moving, rather than retreat,” he remarked.

The Final Phase

Later, upon arriving at my later years, I reached the last step of setback. Understanding. Currently, I better understand the many reasons why someone says no. For starters, an editor may have recently run a comparable article, or be planning one underway, or just be considering a similar topic for another contributor.

Alternatively, unfortunately, my idea is not appealing. Or maybe the evaluator believes I don’t have the experience or reputation to succeed. Or isn’t in the market for the wares I am submitting. Or didn’t focus and reviewed my submission too fast to see its quality.

You can call it an realization. Everything can be rejected, and for numerous reasons, and there is almost little you can do about it. Certain explanations for rejection are forever beyond your control.

Manageable Factors

Others are your fault. Let’s face it, my pitches and submissions may occasionally be poorly thought out. They may be irrelevant and appeal, or the message I am struggling to articulate is not compelling enough. Or I’m being obviously derivative. Maybe a part about my grammar, particularly commas, was offensive.

The essence is that, in spite of all my decades of effort and setbacks, I have achieved widely published. I’ve authored two books—the initial one when I was middle-aged, the next, a autobiography, at older—and more than numerous essays. These works have featured in newspapers major and minor, in regional, worldwide outlets. My first op-ed was published decades ago—and I have now contributed to many places for five decades.

However, no blockbusters, no author events in bookshops, no spots on talk shows, no presentations, no prizes, no accolades, no Nobel, and no national honor. But I can more readily handle rejection at 73, because my, small accomplishments have softened the stings of my many rejections. I can now be philosophical about it all today.

Educational Setbacks

Setback can be educational, but only if you heed what it’s trying to teach. If not, you will likely just keep interpreting no’s the wrong way. What teachings have I gained?

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